Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Loving America the Al Franken Way

Entrance to what used to be a rural Indiana cemetery --
now adjacent to our Menard's parking lot

"Loving American the Al Franken Way"
Chapter Five in Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
by Al Franken

"I've made a list that takes a good, hard, if quick, look at our great nation's history, pointing out the good and owning up to the bad. It's not meant to be a complete list. For example, I've left out the Gadsden Purchase of 1849, which was something of a mixed blessing. This list is more a bittersweet love song to the world's only remaining superpower, that majestic, though slightly flawed, country that I call home.

Salem witch trials -- bad

Revolutionary War -- good

Slavery -- bad

Ending Slavery -- good, but hard

Civil War reenactments -- weird

Massacring Native Americans and breaking our treaties with them -- bad

Indian casinos -- ?

Child labor during the Industrial Revolution -- bad

Child labor mowing lawns and babysitting -- character-building

Labor movement creating the weekend -- good

Land grant universities -- hot

Rural electrification -- hotter

Social Security -- hottest!

Dictating pop culture for the world -- mixed

Selling Saddam Hussein chemical weapons in the eighties -- In retrospect, bad

Louisiana Purchase -- bargain

Grand Canyon -- wonderful, though we really can't take much credit for it -- no wait:

National park system -- really good

Leading human genome project -- probably good

Genetically engineering super race of unstoppable killers -- bad, but probably inevitable

Winning World War II -- wow!!!

Creating democracy in postwar Germany and Japan; laying groundwork for European peace and prosperity in second half of twentieth century -- right on!

The Greatest Generation -- greatest!

The Greatest Generation -- best - seller

Liberty -- good

Justice for all -- would be nice

Bill of Rights -- great! but Second Amendment could have been clearer

Putting man on the moon -- awesome, if true

Supporting vile dictatorships in Iran, Indonesia, Iraq, Dominican Republic, Guatemala, Congo, Paraguay, Haiti, El Salvador, Bolivia -- bad

Parades -- wholesome fun for whole family

Gay parades -- exuberant expressions of individuality often featuring highly imaginative floats and costumes

Conducting horrific medical experiments on African - Americans in Tuskegee -- bad

Japanese Internment camps -- good. Wait, what were these?

Truman Doctrine -- smart

Vietnam -- mistake

Winning Cold War -- credit all around, to postwar Republican and Democrat presidents alike

Gross human rights violations in name of winning Cold War -- credit all around, except to Jimmy Carter

Women getting the vote -- good . . . for women! Just kidding. It's good for everybody!!!

African - Americans getting the vote -- good . . . for African - Americans. Kidding again. Good for Democrats!!!

Making mistakes -- bad, but inevitable

Correcting mistakes -- good, but not inevitable

Calling those who point out mistakes "unpatriotic" -- itself unpatriotic

Owning up to our mistakes -- brave

America -- home of the brave
" (24 - 27)

Happy Independence Day

Old Cemetery in Tippecanoe County, Indiana

P.S. Al Franken for President!
Dream Ticket: Colbert & Franken (in either order)!

1 comment:

  1. Michael Lipsey: "I firmly believe in my Second Amendment right to bear a muzzleloading flintlock musket, a ramrod, a flask of black powder, some scraps of cloth to hold the powder in place and a leather bag full of round lead balls."