Hello Summertime!

Early Spring Tea Spread at Auntie Jan's
~ Tree Blossoms from the South of England ~

Goodbye Spring!
Hello Summer!

Vivid Summer Arrangement by my sister Peggy
~ Wild Yard Flowers in Southeast Kansas ~

And now with the Summer Solstice
my Sabbatical begins!
I'll be back in mid - September,
just in time for the Autumnal Equinox!

P.S.
I've been noticing that especially when it has been sunny
-- but even on the cloudy days --
there will still be a tiny streak of sunlight as late at 10:00 pm!
I'm going to look for that every night.
Happy Summer Solstice!

Kalman & Stettheimer

Christmas (1930 - 1940)
by Florine Stettheimer, 1871 – 1944

Holiday card featuring a painting of New York City
by one of my new favorite artists.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woman Wearing an Easter Bunny Bonnet
(filled with tiny Chagall - like figures)
Maira Kalman (b 1949)

From a box of New Yorker Cover Note Cards
by another new favorite artist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For further discussion of these two artistic designers
see my recent post

"So Many Synchronicities"
@ The Fortnightly Kitti Carriker
A literary blog of connection & coincidence; custom & ceremony

Sledgehammer

I like the extended metaphor of the Emotional Tool Box that contains a sledgehammer but not much else. This goes to the learned habit of not "falling apart" when you need to; so when your reserves finally do break down, it ends up being a big blow out that seems totally out of proportion to whatever set us off. After you've used the sledgehammer, then your family modifies their behavior temporarily -- just because they want you to put the sledgehammer away and not use it for awhile.

This is how vulnerable kids learn to tiptoe around unpredictable parents, hoping not to get on their bad side (something which I never wanted to do to my own kids). So the goal is to get a wider variety of tools / strategies in your tool box so that you can deal with issues as they arise rather than suppress your irritation, hurt feelings, or whatever until they lead to another frustrating melt down.

One useful tool, according to Nadia Bolz-Weber, is a shovel:

"What's your capacity for self awareness? How much of your own BS can you call on yourself? What I mean by that is that you have to deal with your own shit. So right in front of you, get a shovel, figure out how to get rid of it, figure out what's yours, get rid of it. Because otherwise, everyone that needs what you have to offer has to step in your shit to get to your gifts. And they shouldn't have to do that. So your job as a spiritual leader is to deal with your stuff."

Speaking of emotional shovels and sledgehammers, who can forgot this MTV classic:

Sledgehammer
You could have a steam train
If you'd just lay down your tracks
You could have an aeroplane flying
If you bring your blue sky back

All you do is call me
I'll be anything you need

You could have a big dipper
Going up and down, all around the bends
You could have a bumper car, bumping
This amusement never ends

I want to be your sledgehammer
Why don't you call my name
Oh let me be your sledgehammer
This will be my testimony
Show me round your fruit cakes
'Cause I will be your honey bee
Open up your fruit cakes
Where the fruit is as sweet as can be

I want to be your sledgehammer
Why don't you call my name
You'd better call the sledgehammer
Put your mind at rest
I'm going to be-the sledgehammer
This can be my testimony
I'm your sledgehammer
Let there be no doubt about it

Sledge sledge sledgehammer

I kicked the habit (I kicked the habit)
Shed my skin (Shed my skin)
This is the new stuff (This is the new stuff)
I go dancing in, (We could go dancing in)
Oh won't you show for me (Show for me)
I will show for you (Show for you)
Show for me (Show for me), I will show for you

Yea, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do mean you
Only you, you've been coming through
Going to build that power
Build, build up that power, hey
I've been feeding the rhythm
I've been feeding the rhythm
Going to feel that power, build in you

Come on, come on, help me do
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you
I've been feeding the rhythm
I've been feeding the rhythm
It's what we're doing, doing
All day and night, come on and help me do,
come on and help me do

Peter Gabriel
Sledgehammer lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Coincidental Message from a Friend: "May God supply you with the strength, perseverance, patience, kindness, self-control, grace, mercy and all the other tools you will need to accomplish your task. God is a great provider of those resources and will happily help you out my dear friend."

And this Polish Linguistic Expression: "You know the feeling well -- living between the hammer and the nail."

Thanks Megan & Beata!

P.S. 2018
"Don't Ruin My Birthday!"

P.S. 2023
Sermon by Nadia Bolz-Weber
on the topic of oh, well / re - set
and the 23rd Psalm

Mona Lisa Cat

Just for fun, my twin brother Bruce posted this Mona Lisa ~ Fat Cat on my facebook. I congratulated him on his unintentionally accuracy, for I had just come across this picture in a stack of old family photos:

Young Mona Lisa with Tabby Cat
Me and my first cat, Doorsey ~ Summer 1967

Fingernail Moon

This Morning ~ 5:30 am
Philip Larkin describes the full moon so perfectly: "Lozenge of love! Medallion of art!" However, I think his observations apply just as well to the waning fingernail crescent that I saw early this morning when I was awakened by the naughty cats:

High and preposterous and separate—
Lozenge of love! Medallion of art!
O wolves of memory! Immensements! No,

One shivers slightly, looking up there.
The hardness and the brightness and the plain
Far-reaching singleness of that wide stare

Is a reminder of the strength and pain
Of being young; that it can’t come again,
But is for others undiminished somewhere.

from the poem "Sad Steps"

Fuqua & Pine ~ Partners in Crime

Looking up at the Sky

Dissertation

Local Social Forces, Household Finance, and Real Estate
by
William Benedict McCartney
Without Ben's permission, I take the liberty of quoting here from the "Acknowledgements" preceding the body of his dissertation. A genius of both heart and mind, my elder son has written:

"I cannot imagine my life without all the love and encouragement I have received from my family. Kit and Ger have provided everything from copyediting to thoughtful discussions to steadfast emotional support. Grim and Gram have been there for me since my littlest days and always seem so sure that I know what I am talking about that my insecurities fade away. Sam -- with his fierce work ethic and ambition -- is an inspiration, a great source of pride, and a sobering reminder that academics have it so good,

"Finally, Cathleen, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Your incredible kindness makes every day spent with you a complete joy. Your confidence in me, unconditional warmth, and seemingly boundless patience have made the last three years so much easier. As a completely unfair trade for everything you have done for me, I dedicate this work -- and all the tables in it -- to you."

Cathleen & Ben

Back in the day when Gerry and I completed our dissertations, the "Acknowledgements" page was not offered as an option. My freelance version took the following form (May 1990):

"Writing takes energy -- more energy than you ever think you have. And energy comes from love. It takes a spasm of love to write a poem, and several spasms to write a short story, and hundreds of them to write a novel."

~ Erica Jong, from How to Save Your Own Life

****************

. . . and seventy - ver - million to write a dissertation!"

Ger -

How could I ever have have done it without you?
Thank you for loving me so many spasms high!

XOXO always & very faithfully yours,

Kit

****************

Kit -

I can only do it because of the love you give me.

Ger

Kitti, Ben, Gerry ~ May 12, 2018

So Cerebral

Which Came First?

A couple of funny typos that I noticed when proofreading:

when I meant THOUGH, I added a final "T" and typed THOUGHT;

when I meant THIN, I added a final "K" and typed THINK.

I'm just so cerebral!

P.S.
Happy Birthday Cathleen
And thanks for making me a
Christmas Tree Easter Egg!

Don't Ruin My Birthday!

A Chocolate Cheesecake for Ben ~ June 2, 2005

From My Calendar of Everyday Custom & Ceremony

********************

Because my happiness was based on external measures —
on tasks being completed, plans running accordingly,
goals being met, hairs being in place —
I was continually disappointed
— upset — impatient — and stressed."
Rachel Macy Stafford
from her article
"The Day My Child Lost Her Joy —
And What I Did to Revive It"

********************
Thanks to my friend Laura Thudium Zieglowsky for posting Rachel Macy Stafford's article, which is well worth reading no matter what the age of your loved ones. Whether or not you are surrounded by impressionable children, Stafford's points are well taken. I appreciate her observation that, yes, our moods and actions do indeed have an impact on others around us; and if we care about their feelings, we will modify our behavior accordingly. Easier said than done, however, when, rightly or wrongly, little things seem to matter so much: "I’m talking trivial, insignificant, minor inconveniences here, but that was the state of a distracted [or in my case at the time, pre-menopausal and strangely sad] woman who could no longer see the blessings, only the inconveniences, of her life."

Stafford's quest to revive her joy reminded me of my son Ben's 15th birthday (13 years ago!), when I went to pick the boys up from summer band and burst into tears because another mom had given me a mean scowl on the parking lot for being a bad driver. No one was hurt, no one's car was damaged, yet still I felt so shamed and stressed and worried that I could not stop crying to save my life (maybe because I took the scowl personally, and started hearing the tapes in my head: "you're so stupid, you don't belong here"). Why couldn't I just say, "Oh, well"?

I tried to proceed with my normal activities that afternoon, going home and making a cake, but crying all the while. Even an hour or so later, while Ben and Sam were in the study doing their homework and I was in the kitchen assembling Ben's favorite -- chocolate cheesecake -- I simply could not get a grip. Finally, Ben called in from the other room, "Mom, stop crying! You're ruining my birthday!" Now THAT was a wake-up call!

For more insights from Stafford and others,
including Margaret Atwood, Susan Jeffers, Hugh Prather,
and Nadia Bolz-Weber
and songs by Emmylou Harris, George Montgomery,
and Sir John Suckling
see my recent post

"Don't Ruin My Birthday"
@ The Fortnightly Kitti Carriker
A literary blog of connection & coincidence; custom & ceremony