Possible ~ Plausible ~ Improbable

Favorite mug from my friend Diane ~ and magnet from my brother Dave
A few years ago, my brother Dave (scroll down to see birthday post) was complaining to me about "those touchy - feely things floating around called Bucket Lists. Actually, they are not Bucket Lists at all. Just the usual drivel. So, I am challenging you to a real Bucket List. Name five items in the following categories: "Possible," "Plausible," and "Improbable." You can and should take into account your age and physical condition but ignore silly things like money. Good Luck."

I was keen to take the challenge! I arranged my items thematically so that I could work on accomplishing my goals in increments of possibility. I'm not sure if Dave would approve, or if perhaps I veered off into touchy - feely; but I can say that I've been making pretty good progress on all of my "possibles," so time to move on to my "plausibles."

1. So many books . . . so little time . . .
Possible: Read 3 books per month: one fiction, one non-fiction, one misc.
Plausible: Read all the books beside my bed.*
Improbable: Read every book on my "To Read" list.

*The last time I sorted out the ever-increasing stacks in this famous spot where so many books have gone to die (i.e., "beside my bed") I created a whole new category: "To Read In My Next Lifetime." That took care of a few titles, Moby Dick, for instance, and The Education of Henry Adams (just don't tell my American Lit professors).

2. Around the house . . .
Possible: Eliminate clutter and feel more organized and quit acquiring earthly goods.
Plausible: See my entire house clean at the same time (in manner of above mug by Anne Taintor)
Improbable: Learn to really like gardening.

3. Creative endeavor . . .
Possible: Revisit my original goal when I graduated from high school: collage design.
Plausible: Organize all the writing I've saved over the years into some kind of readable, presentable, publishable collection of essays or epistolary novel.
Improbable: Become really good at piano, singing, swimming, diving, ice-skating, ballet & have better spatial, mathematical, left - brain skills; in short, be smarter & more talented.

4. Mental clarity . . .
Possible: Get better at saying, "Oh well," "That's okay," and "He don't' mean nothing by it, Honey," etc.
Plausible: Stop feeling guilty for all the things in my life that haven't exactly gone according to plan.
Improbable: Receive a personal epiphany* from The Goddess that will reveal to me a meaningful plan for the remainder of my life.

*In lieu of seeing a sign soon or hearing a calling, then I guess I'll just have to think something up for myself! Like that Kafka story about the Imperial Message that never comes, so finally "you sit at your window when evening falls and dream it to yourself"; or what Sleeping Beauty has to do if the Prince never comes to wake her up: "you kiss yourself and wake yourself up!"
[Go to column at right and scroll down for
"Magical Thoughts from Erica Jong" -> -> ]

5. Grow old along with me . . .
Possible: Visit all my old friends that I keep in touch with by writing & phone, but only see in person every 10 or 20 years.
Plausible: Live the rest of my life without medical intervention (of course, that could mean a short life).
Improbable: I'll answer this one with a sentence that I'm still puzzling over, from a book that Gerry gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago, Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi: "Every person's deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized . . . [to feel appreciated] for what their mission is" (163).

Perhaps more likely to qualify as possible is the wish expressed on the tombstone of American poet Raymond Carver:

Late Fragment
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
~ Raymond Carver ~

**************
Speaking of improbability,
see the latest post on my book blog:
"And a New One Just Begun"

And for more questionnaires and quizzes, see

Quarantine Quiz Shows

Class of '75

Challenges: Special K & Ten Favs

[Possible~ Plausible ~ Improbable]

"Christmas Quiz"

"You're Out Walking"

"Take This Quiz!"

"Monday: Pop Quiz"

"Talk to Me"

Even Proust liked quizzes! Who knew?
Click to learn more and see Proust's questions & answers!

Quality Time

For a quality time activity,
be kind to yourself and take the scenic route!
St. Peter's Way a pedestrian friendly greenway,
brings you past such lush, shady sights as this,
right in the middle of busy Philadelphia!
(Can you see our house?)
A few ideas about "quality time"
from some of my favorite writers:

Peggy Jones and Pam Young (aka The Slob Sisters): "I had never agreed with the idea that it was 'quality time' that was important when raising children. I think it's quantity time that counts. A child can't be expected to concentrate all the important things he or see feels and thinks into some arbitrary hour or day that a parent designates as 'quality time.' . . . In the end, the person who is there all the time is the one who gives quality time" (Get Your Act Together, 133 - 34).

Al Franken: "Quantity time is quality time. My dad never took me horseback riding. We never went white-water rafting. He never gave me the seven-thousand-dollar fully functional sale model of a Ferrari that I coveted when I was twelve. But he did spend time with me. Not necessarily quality time, but quantity time, hours and hours and hours of nonproductive, aimless quantity time.

"What did we do with this quantity time? Mainly, we watched television, hours and hours and hours of television. My fondest memories of childhood are of sitting on the couch watching comedians on TV with my parents. . ."

Funny Franken goes on the describe his father's laughing fits, pipe-smoking habit, and eventual death of lung cancer at age eighty-five, concluding that "it was this quantity time with spent with my father, laughing and coughing up phlegm, that inspired me in choosing my life's' work: making people laugh and raising money for the American Lung Association" (Oh, the Things I Know! A Guide to Success, or, Failing That, Happiness, xiv - xv).

Barbara Ehrenreich: "Forget 'quality time.' I tried it once on May 15, 1978. I know because it is still penciled into my 1978 appointment book. 'Kids,' I announced, 'I have forty-five minutes. Let's have some quality time!' They looked at me dully in the manner of rural retirees confronting a visitor from the Census Bureau. Finally, one of them said, in a soothing tone, 'Sure, Mom, but could it be after Gilligan's Island?'

" . . . The only thing that works is low-quality time: time in which you -- and they -- are ostensibly doing something else . . . "

Ehrenreich's essay draws to a conclusion with this amusing yet truthful advice: "Do not be afraid they will turn on you, someday, for being a lousy parent. They will turn on you. They will also turn on the full-time parents, the cookie-making parents, the Little League parents, and the all-sacrificing parents. If you are at work every day when they get home from school, they will turn on you, eventually, for being a selfish, neglectful careerist. If you are at home every day, eagerly awaiting their return, they will turn on you for being a useless, unproductive layabout. This is all part of the normal process of 'individuation,' in which one adult ego must be trampled into the dust in order for one fully formed teenage ego to emerge. Accept it."

Ehrenreich points out that one day, just on the other side of those teenage ego years, our children will relate to us as adults. They may start out as Little Gnomes, but that doesn't last long. As children they are just smaller versions of that bigger person who is soon to come. "Your job is to help them . . . get on with being that larger person, and in a form that you might like to know."

All Ehrenreich passages are from
the essay "Stop Ironing the Diapers,"
found in her book The Worst Years of Our Lives
(see pp 146 - 48)

For more on Raising Children & Perfect Parenting
see my post "Play With This!"
on THE FORTNIGHTLY KITTI CARRIKER
my fortnightly literary blog
of connection and coincidence
www.kitticarriker.blogspot.com

NEW FORTNIGHTLY POST TOMORROW!
Friday, May 28th

Slob Sisters

All Caught Up In The Kitchen:
Homegrown eggplant, peppers, and tomatoes from my husband's garden;
apples from Michigan; citrus fruit from Florida;
Christmas cards up year round!
Pam Young and Peggy Jones are two earnest comediennes, who half-seriously, half-jokingly call themselves "The Slob Sisters."

Their books include:

SIDETRACKED HOME EXECUTIVES
GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER
THE SIDETRACKED SISTERS CATCH-UP ON THE KITCHEN
THE PHONY GOURMET

Slob Sisters or Domestic Goddesses? You decide. These gals really are sisters and they really are the greatest! I love their books and their humor and their advice on life & happiness. Their message covers so much much more than keeping the house running smoothly, though it must be said, they are good at that too!

Pam and Peggy's books help you work your way around and through and out of any number of stupid, fretful, forgetful-making things, freeing up your mind and your time for worthier pursuits. And they know how do it not only with file cards, charts and recipes, but also with references to Shakespeare, Emerson, and William James.

To read more about the Slob Sisters, check out my latest reading list update:
"A Couple of Domestic Goddesses"
on KITTI'S BOOK LIST
at www.kittislist.blogspot.com