Joni & Hannah ~ Thanks for sharing this very honest article and definition of abuse. The list of "that's not normal" factors really brings it home. Of course, no woman wants to read out a list of those things because they are embarrassing and humiliating. If he criticizes you sexually, that's not normal (and it's NOT about you). If he won't stop ennumerating his previous relationships and making comparisons, that's not normal (and it's NOT about you). If he tells you that he wishes he'd married someone less (or more) intelligent than you, that's not normal (and it's NOT about you). If he wants to travel and leave you behind, that's not normal (and it's NOT about you). If it turns out that he is also married to someone else and you didn't even know about it, that's not normal (and it's NOT about you). And so forth.
Yet, it can still be so difficult to realize that "not normal" = "abusive."
Someone Else's Story
Long ago
In someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name
Who looked a lot like me
Came to know
A man and made a promise
He only had to say
And that's where she would be
Lately, although the feelings
run just as deep
The promise she made
has grown impossible to keep
And yet I wish it wasn't so
Will he miss me if I go?
In a way
It's someone else's story
I don't see myself
As taking part at all
Yesterday
A girl that I was fond of
Finally could see
The writing on the wall
Sadly, she realized
she'd left him behind
And sadder than that
She knew he wouldn't even mind
And though there's nothing left to say
Would he listen if I stay?
It's all very well to say
You fool it's now or never
I could be choosing
No choices whatsoever.
I could be
In someone else's story
In someone else's life
And he could be in mine
I don't see
A reason to be lonely
I could take my chances
Further down the line
And if that girl I knew
Should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate
She needn't ask me twice
Go now!
I'd tell her that for free
Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me.
From the musical Chess
Lyrics by the incredible Tim Rice (b 1944)
Music by Benny Andersson & Bjoern Ulvaeus -- of Abba
Click here for another great song: The Ugly Truth
By Lucinda Williams
As one of Lucinda's fans comments: " . . . don't make the same mistake that I did! Take those ghosts out of the closet, hang 'em up on a clothes line and disinfect them with sunlight. Sit back in a deck chair with a cool beverage and watch 'em blow in the breeze! You gotta look at this 'truth stuff' or it'll haunt you forever . . . "
