Golden Anniversary

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

~ William Shakespeare

Renewal of Vows for Marion W. & David J. Carriker
Led by our brother The Rev. Bruce L. Carriker
Someone once said that the only thing required for a marriage to work is two people too stubborn to give up on each other. Anyone who has known Dave and Marion for any length of time knows they both have a stubborn streak. And we're here tonight because, for fifty years, they've been too stubborn to give up on each other.

The 13th Chapter of Paul's 1st Epistle to the Corinithians is often read at weddings. It is a challenge and a charge to newlyweds, laying out what love requires. But, when we read it tonight, not for newlyweds, but for a couple renewing their vows after fifty years together, we read it as a testimony to their life together; an explanation for how they've made it this far:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is slow to anger and quick to forgive; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

There is a scene in the movie Parenthood where the husband, whose marriage is going through a rough patch, is talking to his grandmother; and the grandmother says this:

“You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again!
You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all at the same time!
Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing to it.
I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.”

Dave and Marion will both agree that their marriage has been a lot more like a roller coaster, than merry-go-round. But, they're here tonight to say, in front of all of us, “Oh, what a ride! I want to go again!”

(Dave, Marion join hands. David first, then Marion.)

(Marion/David), 50 years ago I promised to love you, honor you, comfort you, and keep you;
To be by your side in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for the rest of our lives.
Together, we have created a family, a home, and a lifetime of shared memories.
Today, in the presence of God, our family, and our friends, I affirm to you that I love you more now than I did then; that all those promises are still true; and that I will be here for you, for the rest of my life.

Prayer: Gracious and loving God,
We give you thanks for fifty years of blessing Dave and Mation's life together; for the love, joy, strength, support and happiness they have brought to one another; and to those of us lucky enough to be their family and friends.

We ask your continued blessing on them, individually, and in the life they have built together and will continue to build together, all the days of their lives.

You May Kiss the Bride!

Eye Contact

A couple of years ago, when my nephew Hans
was recovering from surgery, he wondered aloud,
"What the heck is wrong with people
who refuse to make eye contact?"

I am proud to see that none other than Maya Angelou (above)
agrees with my response to him (below):

Dear Hans --

Keep on striving for that eye contact and don't worry about those who don't acknowledge. A few will and it will make your day -- and theirs. Years ago, when email was first a thing, your dad [my oldest brother, Dave] and I had a correspondence going about this same topic.

He was up in Pittsburgh, KS, at the time, and I was in Philly. Our plan was that he would walk around campus all day civilly nodding to all who crossed his path, and I would do the same in my neighborhood -- which was typical behavior for us anyway, but this time we would keep track of how many would respond with eye contact. The disappointing result was -- very few! Sometimes not a single person in an entire day!

What's wrong with them? Somehow it just seems to pain many people to acknowledge that they are surrounded by fellow travelers on the planet. Something has made them afraid and tight in their hearts. But don't ever stop trying to share that smile! I'm still at it, and soon your energy will return and you'll be back at it too!

XOXO, Aunt Kit

Post Script from Dave:

"And it didn't stop me from continuing to nod in open acceptance
and truly enjoy the occasional return. Hang in there Son."

****************

Post Script from Tony ~ 2019

Small Kindnesses

I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk
down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs
to let you by. Or how strangers still say “bless you”
when someone sneezes, a leftover
from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying.
And sometimes, when you spill lemons
from your grocery bag, someone else will help you
pick them up. Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other.
We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot,
and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile
at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress
to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder,
and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass.
We have so little of each other, now. So far
from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange.
What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these
fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here,
have my seat,” “Go ahead—you first,” “I like your hat.”

Danusha Laméris

Possible ~ Plausible ~ Improbable

Favorite mug from my friend Diane ~ and magnet from my brother Dave
A few years ago, my brother Dave (scroll down to see birthday post) was complaining to me about "those touchy - feely things floating around called Bucket Lists. Actually, they are not Bucket Lists at all. Just the usual drivel. So, I am challenging you to a real Bucket List. Name five items in the following categories: "Possible," "Plausible," and "Improbable." You can and should take into account your age and physical condition but ignore silly things like money. Good Luck."

I was keen to take the challenge! I arranged my items thematically so that I could work on accomplishing my goals in increments of possibility. I'm not sure if Dave would approve, or if perhaps I veered off into touchy - feely; but I can say that I've been making pretty good progress on all of my "possibles," so time to move on to my "plausibles."

1. So many books . . . so little time . . .
Possible: Read 3 books per month: one fiction, one non-fiction, one misc.
Plausible: Read all the books beside my bed.*
Improbable: Read every book on my "To Read" list.

*The last time I sorted out the ever-increasing stacks in this famous spot where so many books have gone to die (i.e., "beside my bed") I created a whole new category: "To Read In My Next Lifetime." That took care of a few titles, Moby Dick, for instance, and The Education of Henry Adams (just don't tell my American Lit professors).

2. Around the house . . .
Possible: Eliminate clutter and feel more organized and quit acquiring earthly goods.
Plausible: See my entire house clean at the same time (in manner of above mug by Anne Taintor)
Improbable: Learn to really like gardening.

3. Creative endeavor . . .
Possible: Revisit my original goal when I graduated from high school: collage design.
Plausible: Organize all the writing I've saved over the years into some kind of readable, presentable, publishable collection of essays or epistolary novel.
Improbable: Become really good at piano, singing, swimming, diving, ice-skating, ballet & have better spatial, mathematical, left - brain skills; in short, be smarter & more talented.

4. Mental clarity . . .
Possible: Get better at saying, "Oh well," "That's okay," and "He don't' mean nothing by it, Honey," etc.
Plausible: Stop feeling guilty for all the things in my life that haven't exactly gone according to plan.
Improbable: Receive a personal epiphany* from The Goddess that will reveal to me a meaningful plan for the remainder of my life.

*In lieu of seeing a sign soon or hearing a calling, then I guess I'll just have to think something up for myself! Like that Kafka story about the Imperial Message that never comes, so finally "you sit at your window when evening falls and dream it to yourself"; or what Sleeping Beauty has to do if the Prince never comes to wake her up: "you kiss yourself and wake yourself up!"
[Go to column at right and scroll down for
"Magical Thoughts from Erica Jong" -> -> ]

5. Grow old along with me . . .
Possible: Visit all my old friends that I keep in touch with by writing & phone, but only see in person every 10 or 20 years.
Plausible: Live the rest of my life without medical intervention (of course, that could mean a short life).
Improbable: I'll answer this one with a sentence that I'm still puzzling over, from a book that Gerry gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago, Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi: "Every person's deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized . . . [to feel appreciated] for what their mission is" (163).

Perhaps more likely to qualify as possible is the wish expressed on the tombstone of American poet Raymond Carver:

Late Fragment
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
~ Raymond Carver ~

**************
Speaking of improbability,
see the latest post on my book blog:
"And a New One Just Begun"

And for more questionnaires and quizzes, see

Quarantine Quiz Shows

Class of '75

Challenges: Special K & Ten Favs

[Possible~ Plausible ~ Improbable]

"Christmas Quiz"

"You're Out Walking"

"Take This Quiz!"

"Monday: Pop Quiz"

"Talk to Me"

Even Proust liked quizzes! Who knew?
Click to learn more and see Proust's questions & answers!

Magic Everyday

Who is this hip and handsome Santa?

" . . . the magic in your everyday life. It will be there . . .
Santa Claus isn’t a lie but a vision . . .
of magic, of hope, of generosity, of dreams . . . of love."
Here is a favorite Christmas essay, back from when my boys were small. It's one of those that I've saved in a big notebook to re - read every year and seems particularly appropriate this December when magic and hope and the heart of childhood have been so ruthlessly attacked. Author, Maureen Devlin Carroll offers us a way to keep on hoping. Even after the passage of seventeen years, it seems that her essay might have been written yesterday.


Season's Meanings
by Maureen Devlin Carroll

Driving my eight year old son Matt, and his friend home from school the other day, I heard them wrestling with the logistics of how Santa reaches every child’s home on Christmas Eve. “He couldn’t possibly get from Alaska to Australia to your house and my house in one night, could he?” asked Matt’s friend. Both boys fell silent. That's when it struck me. This was the last Christmas that Matt was gong to believe a fat man in a red suit squeezes down our chimney each year to leave presents under the tree.

In a rush, I remembered when my best friend told me the terrible truth about Santa. “Its just your parents pretending to be Santa Claus,” she announced one day on the way home from school. I stormed in to my house, determined to extract an explanation from my mom, “Why did you lie to me?” I asked furiously. I just didn’t get it.

Now that I’m a parent, I do get it. And I wanted my son to understand why I also chose to lie to him -- quite elaborately at that -- about Santa Claus. But I wanted him to hear it from me first, in a gentle and loving way. So I wrote this letter.

Dear Matt,

You were born the week before Christmas and I couldn’t wait to introduce you to the joys of the season, not the least of which was Santa Claus. Now, all too soon, I know you’ll be asking tough questions about jolly old St. Nick. This letter is to help you understand why I lied to you about Santa Claus.

I wanted you to believe that the world can be magical. When you grow up, you’ll be busy working and paying bills, doing chores and making decisions. It will be a struggle to discover the magic in your everyday life. It will be there, but it will be harder to find than it was when you were small. Maybe your memories of magical Christmases past will motivate you to keep searching.

I wanted you to believe in the possibility of a perfect tomorrow. When you’re experiencing tough times, try to recall waking up on a Christmas morning when everything was just as you had wanted it. Maybe that memory of perfection will help you to continue to hope.

I wanted you to experience the good will of a person you’d never met, who lived for nothing more than to make millions of children happy. (Someday I hope you’ll do something for someone who needs help, whether you know him or not, whether it's offering a warm blanket or a kind word). May Santa’s generosity inspire you to become a more giving human being.

I wanted you to know that your dreams can come true. When you’re older there will always be people telling you what you can't do, what won't work. They’ll tell you that the numbers don’t add up. They’ll list all of the obstacles that stand in your way. Maybe the memory of Christmas morning when your first dream came true will help you believe in your other dreams and you’ll continue to work to make them happen.

I wanted you to know how much you were loved. Santa Claus always knew exactly how to make you happy. When you get older you’ll find that loving people means caring very much about their happiness, knowing what they need from you, and trying your hardest to give them the best of yourself. I hope that knowing how you were loved--how you are loved -- will inspire you to love well.

So you see, Santa Claus isn’t a lie but a vision. A vision of magic, of hope, of generosity, of dreams and most importantly, of love.

Merry Christmas, Matt

by Maureen Devlin Carroll
from Parenting Magazine, 1995

Cookies for Santa: British Hobnobs,
Frosted to resemble Christmas Puddings!

Porsche

Kit & Dave at the Porsche Dealership in 1984

Happy Birthday to my eldest brother Dave,
who has honored me with yet another guest blog,
this time, a true story from Germany:

Our Monte Carlo Rally
Many of us dream of some day participating in a major motoring event but few of us have the opportunity to experience such a dream. My luck was considerably better and much more than I deserved.

In December of 1981 I was stationed in Neu Ulm Germany with a Pershing missile unit. My wife and I read in the local paper that the Porsche dealership and the city were to be the host of one of the intermediate stops for the Monte Carlo Rally. We tried like everyone else to find out the exact route that the rally would be taking through town but this seemed to be a closely guarded secret for some reason.

That December the weather was cold but more importantly there was a very heavy cover of snow on the ground; and the day that the rally was to come to Ulm, the snow was coming down in big soft gentle flakes, forming huge drifts at all intersections.

After some deliberation, my wife and I decided to just go cruising around the area near the dealership and see if we could pick up the trail and work our way back a bit until we found a place where we could watch the contestants come into town.

We patrolled back and forth for nearly a half an hour when suddenly we came upon an intersection that was completely blocked by pedestrians and under the nominal control of the Polizei. We approached the intersection very slowly hoping to ask one of the cops for more information. Imagine our surprise when he suddenly dispersed the crowd and waved us in and indicated we were to turn to our right.

Suddenly we found ourselves driving down a snow covered street with huge crowds on both sides, cheering madly and yelling for us to go faster, faster, faster. I looked at my wife, shrugged, grinned and gave our 1977 Porsche 911 her head. We roared down the street doing 50 mph or better, slithering around corners at the direction of more cops.

Then before we could react we found ourselves plunging underground into an underground parking garage. Very serious officials descended on our car asking where our Rally signs were and preparing to give us new ones under the assumption that ours had gone adrift somewhere on the course.

Sheepishly we found ourselves explaining the way we had found ourselves into their rally. We expected the wrath of the German officials and at least a fine of some type. Instead, they showed a true sense of humor and laughed heartily at our infiltration. After some good natured kidding we were shown the way out of the back of the garage but not before being given a complimentary toast of champagne!

As we drove slowly home that late afternoon in the gathering gloom, we still couldn't quite grasp what had happened over the previous four or five hours. I even suggested to my wife that perhaps we should have tried to brazen it out pretending to speak no German and representing ourselves as American privateers. She snorted and said that only I would be insane enough to try such a stunt.

Years later, I still wonder.

Dave the Brummbaer

Here I am, pretending to drive Marion's Porsche in 1984

It's Magic

A guest blog from my brother Dave:

I was a Voting Judge yesterday here in Kansas. This is one of my experiences.

[Saved from a few years back, but still relevant . . . ]
Fellow Kansans, we live in a magical kingdom! While participating in our recent primary elections, I found out just how magical it really is. Most folks here in Southeast Kansas take some pride in being either a broad majority Republican or a thorn in your side Democrat. Then there are those folks who choose the party of the essentially anti-government Libertarians who truly believe that the less government the better and unlike others who talk the talk, they also walk the walk.

And then there are the unaffiliated. These are the scant few folks who feel it should be their privilege to vote for whoever they think is best qualified regardless of party affiliation. Each election cycle they ask why Kansas can’t support a split ballot and each cycle no one gives them a real answer. The real answer of course is quite simple. The majority rules in all cases and the majority wants no truck with such silliness as sharing the ballot with some other well qualified candidate.

During this most recent primary election an odd thing happened. Unaffiliated voters were given a choice! Select a Republican ballot at the polls and as you walk out the door, POOF! You are a registered and legal Republican! Select a Democrat ballot however and there is no POOF! Instead the unaffiliated voters are theoretically asked whether they would like to become Democrats or would they prefer to remain unaffiliated. Complicated in some ways but essentially straight forward. Except that it is only straight forward if the unaffiliated voters ares aware of the choices available to them.

The key to this process is making certain that those few unaffiliated voters are aware of the possible ramifications of their choice. It boils down to a simple matter of an informed choice. If they are unaware or not fully informed, they may be inclined to vote a ballot that appears to offer more choices over one that is always marginal at best. But is this really the intent or the mind of the staunch unaffiliated voter? By their very nature they are saying they don’t wish to be labeled. If this is the case, which ballot choice would seem more logical for them? Well, I saw three of them over a period of twelve hours and after having it all “explained to them” they all chose to become staunch Republicans rather than continue to be an informed and questioning unaffiliated voter.

Were they truly given the choice they deserved?

Or is it magic?

Dave the Brummbaer

Up & Down

A guest blog from my brother Dave:

Like most everyone else, I have been watching what our national economy has been doing for the last couple of years. There is very little argument from anyone that the recession that first appeared in 2007-08 has been a very serious drag. For months on end I have listened to news commentators, reporters and editorialists nitpick every small decline in every aspect of our economy. At the end of each "report" it is made clear again that it is President Obama in particular and Democrats in general are behind this never - ending spiral downward. Truth be told, it seemed to me that some of them actually enjoyed bearing the bad news.

Going into the 2012 elections, the talking heads have again chimed in to predict the defeat and fall of our President for reelection. They constantly harp on percentage point spreads of 8 -10% (with a margin of error of +/- 3%!) as irrefutable proof that President Obama has no chance. Even the wonkiest Republican will be sufficiently talented enough to boot him out.

Then something interesting began to happen about 3 months ago. While admittedly a small span of time, taken as a whole, the trends are consistent. Economically things are looking up and not just in a dry dusty drawer full of statistics but rather in concrete gains in employment, housing starts, etc.

And yet, I have yet to hear any of the pundits give any credit to the man in the office of the President. Perhaps it's like Topsy and it just grew. Or perhaps it is the profound effect of millions praying like crazy, but regardless, what goes down earns the blame and what goes up should win the credit.

Dave the Brummbaer
Kit & Dave, back in 1984